Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Honk if you love BACON!

Bacon is one of the greatest inventions on Earth. Not only is it good for you, it is delicious too! I think the food pyramid should have bacon as one of the basic food groups. In fact, it should go be at the top alongside cheese curds, Funyuns, Mountain Dew, french fries and popcorn. Not that fake microwave popcorn, the stuff you get at the movie theatre or cook over the stove.

Bacon has so many fine qualities, it would be hard to list them all. I'm going to start a list and if I miss something, do me a favor and call everyone you know to tell them the other great things you know about bacon.


  • is delicious
  • smells good
  • makes everything better (coincidentally, butter has the same effect)
  • looks cool
  • is healthy
  • makes your hands soft
  • makes those around you jealous
  • makes dogs happy
  • makes me happy
  • makes you happy
  • stretches
  • relieves headaches
  • aides in world peace

Here is the new trend in bacon. Weaves. Take bacon and weave it into a sheet and then bake it. While this is "the new thing", I have been doing this since I invented bacon. Just to show you how brilliant I am, I have a new invention. Bacon braids. Take that world (wide web)!

I like to cut my bacon lengthwise for a tighter weave. This isn't necessary but should be. Do not pan fry your sheet of bacon. Bake it in the oven at about 325 degrees. This will keep it from curling and becoming a waste of your time. The cool thing about weaves is that you cook it and cut it to the shape you would like. Squares, triangles, trucker mud flap ladies or just cut it to fit your sandwich/burger. You can also shape it into a bowl for a healthy salad or to wear on you head. The possibilities are endless. Enjoy.


K said...

There are a few things I eat without apology, even though I know they have no place in my fridge.

Diet Mountain Dew
Buttered Saltines
Fried Bologna on White Bread

I clicked through to read about your bacon weave and had *just* cracked a Diet Mountain Dew (it's not cola, it's not lemon-lime, it's something in between and it's wonderful and I can't tell it's diet).

I have just read your post and laughed out loud. Not one of those fake "LOL's" that appear online, but a real LOL. Bonafide. I chortled at the idea to make a bacon weave salad. I think I'll do that for the Vegan Neighbor's housewarming party.

Thanks for this post.

Emiline said...


They'll be selling bacon braids in Toys R Us, soon.

Tom said...

I could see using something like this to top a potpie of some sort, or a shepherds pie.

Miss Malevolent said...

It looks so delicious I broke my teeth trying to bite my screen.

I'm going to make myself a bacon weave this weekend.

Rap-a-lot said...

I'm going for the creme brulee or however the fuck you spell it, only I'm adding the bacon weave top. And the creme brulee part is going to be made out of butter. And Cheez Its.

Soozcat said...

Mmmmm, bacon.

I'm sure you've seen Jim Gaffigan's bacon sketch by now. If not, you should.

Also, your bacon weave makes my heart sing. Now I know how to construct the world's most perfect hammock (it's a lounge AND a snack!).

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kimberly sayer said...

Bacon is a cured meat prepared from a pig. It is first cured in a brine or in a dry packing, both containing large amounts of salt; the result is fresh bacon (also green bacon).costa rica fishingFresh bacon may then be further dried for weeks or months (usually in cold air), boiled, or smoked. Fresh and dried bacon must be cooked before eating. Boiled bacon is ready to eat, as is some smoked bacon, but either may be cooked further before eating.

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